Morality 1.01

Morality is doing what is right regardless of what we are told.


Religious dogma is doing what we are told no matter what is right.

Letter from 'Satan' to Mr Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS

Theology 1.01

Did you know that an anagram of GOD'S PLAN is SLAP DONG.

Puts a whole new meaning to second coming.

And why the picture of Susej ?

For the true believers !

And Here's To You Mr. Robertson

Here's my response to Pat Robertson who announced the reason for the disaster in Haiti : the Haitian people made a pact with the devil to free themselves from the French.

When The Saints Go Marching (Past)

What ! The praying didn't work ? I should have listened to Mrs Heist and said the bruise was a vision of Mary McKillop. Someone beat me to it (or should that be beatificated me to it !)

Now I'm sure I saw something in the cat's vomit..................

I Believe In Miracles

Can't you see it ? My wife, Mrs Heist, has a bruise in the shape of Charles Darwin. He's trying to communicate with us. It's a miracle !

Down on your knees Christians and talk to the hand 'cos the ceiling ain't listening.

Let Us Be Frank !

"Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. "

-- Frank Zappa.